Hey party people!
Monday’s are usually the days that we tackle party/entertaining questions. Today’s question, “What do you do when people invite themselves to your party?” is a tough one for me.
This is a tough question because I always want everyone to come to my parties! I’d send out an invite across the world-wide web, if my husband would let me (he won’t…I’ve asked). I HATE even the thought of hurting someone’s feelings…especially if that hurt comes from feeling excluded.
However, I’ve learned inviting the right people to your party contributes to the success of the party. Whether it’s a kid’s birthday party or big New Years Eve bash, you want people to leave your party feeling like they had a wonderful time and made great connections. This means you may not want to invite your boss to your big New Years Eve bash if other co-workers are going to be there. It wouldn’t be a fun party for your co-workers if they’re stressed out over saying something stupid in front of their boss outside of work. Likewise, you may not want to invite your neighbor down the street to your child’s birthday party due to the age of their children (maybe they’re a lot older & like to rough-house).
There are all sorts of reasons that you may not invite someone to your party. And I’ve finally come to realize that’s okay (it’s still hard for me).
BUT…what should you do when that person invites themself to your party?
Here are two options:
If it’s really not a big deal that they come, just tell them you’d love to have them.
However, if the party was a word-of-mouth invite, then you may not have a choice but to include them. It’s harder to set parameters on a word of mouth invite. If they heard about it from their friends and they’re all going, you can’t exclude one person from a friend group.
If you want specific people to come to your party, make sure that you either send out an official invitation or at least a selective email invitation.
Even facebook invitations and evites can get tricky when anyone on your invite list can invite others.
If you did send a selective invitation out and someone still invites themself: First, pull them aside privately and second, focus on them.
What I mean by focusing on them is devise a response tailored to benefit them. Maybe that person really wants to come to your child’s birthday party & bring their son but the theme is a princess theme and there will only be girls there. Tell your friend that you would love for him to attend but you’d hate for him to feel left out since there will only be girls there. Maybe even suggest a future playdate with the two of them.
Your purpose in the response should be to let the other person know you are thinking of their feelings and to still make them feel included in some way.
My #1 Party Tip has always been: If you are able to make your guest of honor and your party guests feel special, then you’ve pulled off a successful party. Keep that in mind whenever you deal with issues like this & you’ll be the hostess with the mostest.
I’ve got a really fun, “explosive” party project for you this Wednesday!
And I’m so excited to be going to BlogHer this year with Mohawk Flooring. If you’ll be there, let me know so I can meet you face to face!
p.s. This is YOUR official invite to the party… join in on the Parties for Pennies Facebook page, Twitter, and Pinterest!
It can be really uncomfortable when someone comes to your party uninvited, especially if you didn’t want them to be there. I’ve never had that happy to me but thanks for the tips. I now need tips on how to get rid of uninvited house guests. MIL 🙂
lol…You’ve stumped me on that one, Amanda! ;p It can be such a hard subject to deal with. The awesome thing?! Everyone is invited to Parties for Pennies. ;p Corny…but true. <3 Heidi
HELP PLEASE! There is this girl who thinks that we are like bff’s. But the thing is, I really don’t like her at all mostly because she can get rude. I don’t know how to tell her that we are not friends. So I’m having my b day party this weekend. I handed out invitations. But she then asked me “what time is the party?” I don’t know how she found out about but now she thinks she is coming! I really don’t want her there it would ruin the party because she is sooooooooo bossy! I know I’m a little kid but I still need help please 🙁
Carly…I know this situation can seem overwhelming. I’d respond to her & say that you had to limit the party guests to a certain number but maybe you guys could grab lunch or something a day the following week. Good luck Carly! <3 Heidi
Have been invited to a party by someone who knows I can’t make it. Should I play dumb and respond with the usual pleasantry of “so sorry we can’t make it”, or let her know that I know this to be a backhanded invitation…
Diana, I’d still respond with a “Thank you for inviting us but we’re so sorry we won’t be able to make it.” Sometimes invitations are a way to say, “I value your presence” even if a person may not be able to attend. It’s not a way to make someone feel guilty but to let them know they’re included. If it was a backhanded invitation, it’s still better to politely decline. Thanks so much Diana! Happy Holidays <3 Heidi
Help please!
There’s this girl I’m friends with and I’m having a birthday party, and she found out. She asked me if I could invite her and I said yes I’ll get you an invite but I have a limit of people and I’m not sure how to tell her I can’t invite her, I don’t know how to put it in words. Pleas help!
Hey Ange! So sorry about this. I know it’s a sticky situation. Set up a time to talk with her in person. Explain that due to budget, space, & other constraints that you have to limit the number of attendees. Explain to her that her friendship is important and see if there’s a time just you two can do something fun together. Don’t make her feel less important for not getting an invite, but offer another option of you both hanging out or doing something special. If you already promised her an invitation, weigh whether or not you can squeeze one more person in. Many times there are some last minute cancellations. Hope this helps, Ange. Good luck & let me know how it goes. <3 Heidi
Help my Husband’s Grandparents invited their 5 sisters from out of town to my college graduation party. Keep in mind this would be their brother’s stepdaughter’s son’s wife’s graduation party. They are all so excited to come. However, I asked my parents to keep this very intimate with just my immediate family and of course my husband’s aunt, uncle, brothers, and parents. Being nice my mom invited his grandparents as well (just the two of them). I don’t know how to uninvited them all. My mom throwing me the party is now having to debate ordering more food (being catered) and cake. I don’t want to put this burden on her and don’t want them there to be frank. How do I approach this?
I feel it’s very tacky to invite 5 extra people to a party for someone they’re met 3 times and at someone’s house they’ve never met, putting me in an awkward situation.
My son’s first birthday party is in a couple of weeks. I emailed a family member a few weeks back and told her when We’d be having the party so they didn’t make other plans. I haven’t even mailed out the invitations yet & her mom is telling everyone in the family that we’re having a huge bash. I was inviting little kids the same age & my 4 aunts. That was all. Now I’ve got different family members telling me they are coming. I have made goody bags and food for 1 year olds and not 8-14 year olds. What do I do when people tell me they are coming or say they’ve heard were throwing a big bash that weekend?
Candy…I’m so sorry I missed this post! What a tough situation. I know that can feel really stressful. If people specifically ask you about the party, that is absolutely okay to say, “We just planned an intimate celebration.” Totally fine to say that. If people just show up or respond that they’re coming without an official invite, just make the best of it by using some of the older kids to keep an eye on the 1 year olds. Give them some costumes and/or instruments (could even be some boxes for drums) and let them be the entertainment. They’ll love it, the 1 year olds will love it and the parents will too. It’s okay to just have goody bags for 1 year olds as well. Don’t worry about that. For food…not sure what time the party is…but just add a couple of easy appetizers for the additional guests. Hope this helps! So sorray again about this Candy! <3 Heidi Rew